Here's little a story about a revelation I had last week:
I was working on my new website with my branding coach, Amber, and we were throwing out ideas of the look, the feel, and the words I should use to convey my message.
Amber suggested that I should do something similar to Alicia Keys' website:
The first thing that popped into my head and out of my mouth was:
"No, that would be way too much of me. No one wants to see that."
At first, I believed what I was saying. That is, until Amber was like: "WTF are you talking about?? This is SO YOU! Don't listen to that little voice in your head telling you that you're too much. It's just fear talking."
I thought: "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever Amber. She's Alicia Keys...she's beautiful, talented, and people want to see her. I'm Melissa Toler...no one wants to see me."
"Who do I think I am to plaster my face on a website?"
Then the light bulb went off and the tears started to flow. I'd had a breakthrough.
I talk a lot about how women hold themselves back from living an extraordinary life because of their weight, their body image, blah, blah, blah.
I get on my soap box about how need to embrace and connect with their greatness.
I even help women discover and celebrate all the amazing things about themselves through my coaching programs.
It is my mission.
But, there I was holding my own self back, denying my greatness, and hiding in the background.
What is going on here??
The truth is that I was scared of what other people would think about me if I decided to step out and express my true magnificence. So, in an attempt to fit into other people's expectations, I was trying to make myself smaller, shrinking until I'm almost invisible. You know what I'm talking about, because you've probably done it too, .
And, like that pair of jeans you wore back in college, you try to squeeze yourself into someone else's idea of who you are...
So, what is it costing YOU ? Here's how you may be paying a high price for thinking you're "too much":
- Lackluster relationships: you don't feel like you can express the real you because the other person "can't handle it"
- Lost MONEY: you hold back from stepping into your brilliance because "who do you think you are" to be trying to get a promotion or attract more clients??
- Unnecessary stress: when you suppress yourself and try to be something you're not, it takes a toll on your mental, physical, and emotional health. And that just feels awful.
The truth is that you're NEVER too much...ever. Who you are is who you are and people can take it or leave it. When you feel like you have to shrink to fit into someone else's idea of ideal, it's time to leave.
I'm glad I had Amber to hold a mirror up and reflect my true self back to me...the one that I sometimes forget about. The magnificent, brilliant me.
I'm grateful that she called me out on my B.S.
We all need someone who isn't afraid to remind us of how incredible we are. If you don't have that someone, make it your business to find them.
In the meantime, here are a few quotes to serve as a reminder. Print them and hang them up in your home or office, put them on your phone. However you do it, just make sure you see them everyday.
Now, I want to hear from you: Take a moment to think of when you believed you were "too much". What opportunity did YOU miss out on? Share it in the comments below.