What you fight, fights back.

FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT. That's what you do. You struggle and battle to lose weight, get "toned," or be healthy. Just think about the words you use:

"I've STRUGGLED with my weight FOREVER!"

"I'm not winning this BATTLE of the bulge at all."

"I really need to ATTACK my problem areas."

Do you ever wonder why it seems so damn hard to lose weight, be healthy AND happy during the process (not just when you've reached your goal)?? It's hard because you might be looking at  your body as something separate…this "thing" over there that is outside yourself. This thing that needs to be controlled, managed, punished, and beaten into submission. You think that stress eating or emotional eating is a part of you that needs to be destroyed…as quickly and as brutally as possible.

Think about this: whenever someone has tried to attack or control you, what did you do? You didn't just lay down and take it…you probably tried to fight back, right? Well, that is what happens when you attack your own body.

What you fight, fights back. 

Here are some of the weapons that you may be using in this attack on yourself:

• Hours of cardio
• Diets/deprivation
• Fat burners
• Body wraps
• Spanx
• Negative self-talk

I could go on and on, but I think you get the picture. Your health and overall wellness are a BIG part of the relationship you have with your body…it's NOT something separate. It's a relationship that needs to be nurtured, loved, and accepted. Think of it like any other relationship you care about. You wouldn't try to fight or control someone you love, would you?  Then don't do it to yourself.

Treating your body as something separate hasn't worked so far, and it will continue to not work.  

Your body, mind, and spirit are a package deal.

Ok, so you've been fighting the good fight, now it's time to put your weapons down and start a big ol' LOVE FEST. The next time you want to suffocate your tummy in a pair of Spanx, look it right in the eye (aka your bellybutton) and say "You're cute just the way you are!"  No, I'm not joking…try it.

If you've been at war with yourself for years, it's going to take some practice to get to a peace agreement. You can practice by wearing clothes that fit (not too big, not too small), doing things that FEEL good (massages, exercise), and saying positive things about the part(s) of your body you dislike the most. 

Today, I challenge you to end your war and start living in peace. 

Wishing you wellness, 

I should be 10 pounds lighter

How many times have you heard those words come out of your mouth or from the voices in your head??  "I should eat better", "I should exercise more", "I should be a size 6", "I should've lost these 20 pounds already", "I should be farther along in my career", blah, blah, blah.

If these statements sounds familiar to you, then you're probably getting caught up in your own "should storm".

You know what I'm talking about: negative thoughts, overwhelm, and bad feelings about being a "failure" or not being good enough.  It's the kind of thing you try to cure by doing the exact opposite of what you think "should be" doing (like eating a ton of sugar, for example.)   

Think about it: if you believe that you should be eating healthier, exercising more, and getting more sleep but it never happens, there's something deeper going on.  

Something that a meal plan, a diet, or workout DVD will NOT solve.  

There's a reason you're not experiencing what you want and the reason lives inside of YOU.   However, sitting around and analyzing the WHY doesn't help...it just causes more negativity and more of "being in your head". 

When I feel a should storm brewing, I take action quickly.  I hate for my day to be taken over by a raging sea of "I should…" statements. So, I take a few deep breaths and ask myself the following questions:

1.  How do you wanted to FEEL right now?  This is a way to get OUT of my head and more connected with a feeling in my body. 

2.  How is this should storm contributing to the good feelings you want to experience?  Ummmmmm, its not, so it's time to move on to something better. 

 It's all about getting back to the present moment.  Why?  Because when "I should be (insert expectation)" surfaces, it's because I'm somewhere else, either in the future or past,  instead of right here...in the present moment. 

Here's the thing: coming out of a should storm is not easy.  It actually takes some work on your part, a little self-reflection, and stillness (get out of your head!!).  The first step is to recognize when you're in it.

How about you?  Have you been drowning in a sea of "I should be" lately? Just leave a comment below and tell me how you get yourself out of a "should storm".

Crazy Skinny Thoughts

Since my post last week about the relationship between your mindset and physical transformation, I've had so many emails from women who were able to relate to this. Women who are (still) spending countless hours, day, months, and years focused on what's "wrong" with their bodies instead of living their lives. As I told you last week, I spent much of my adolescent and adult life thinking about how fat I was and how skinny I need to be...I searched high and low for the next diet or workout DVD that would unveil the happy skinny me that I so desperately wanted.

The "secret" to lasting weight loss continued to elude me.

Coveting the Clavicle

During my years of searching for the quickest way to get happy skinny, I spent a LOT of time thinking crazy skinny thoughts about myself and my body. A good example of this is something that I just remembered the other day...I would be so focused on my clavicle (aka collarbone) as an indication that I was getting "skinny". I was so obsessed that when I saw someone with a prominent collarbone, I would think to myself "I wish I had a collarbone like hers...I'm so fat!!".

Crazy, right?

I know I'm not the only one with these crazy skinny thoughts...my friends and clients have shared some of their favorites with me:

"My arms don't look good, so I can't go to happy hour."

"I can't wear this dress because it emphasizes my bra fat"

"No man will want to date/marry me because I'm too fat"

When you read them out loud, they sound ridiculous, right? But stop and take a listen to some of the crazy skinny thoughts floating around in your own head...yep, they probably sound as ridiculous as these.

What else could you be doing with all that time and energy????

A month ago, I sent out a survey asking women how often they think about losing weight each day: 67% said at least 1 to 3 times/day. When I asked what they would focus on if they weren't thinking about losing weight...57% said "finding my passion & purpose in life"...basically, they would be turning their dreams into reality if they weren't thinking crazy skinny thoughts all day. Whoa...

Ask yourself, "If I spent less time focusing on my body, could I be:

"making more money at work or in my business?" "spending more time nurturing my personal relationships?" "enjoying sex more?"

Does this mean that I'm crazy???

I call these things "crazy skinny thoughts", but by no means am I suggesting that YOU, are crazy...it's your thoughts that are a little loco. It's not surprising... we've been bombarded with images and messages that skinny = happy since we were little girls. Hopefully, after reading this and reflecting on your own experience, you now realize that's a BIG FAT LIE.

You CAN change the way you think, but it doesn't happen overnight. You may also have some "relapses" every now and then, but the important thing is to be AWARE.

1. Practice mindfulness: when a thought comes up, acknowledge it as something that does NOT serve you, dismiss it and move on

2. Surround yourself with people with a positive outlook who know how to love themselves. When you see self-love in action, it can be contagious!

3. Get a life! No, really...find other, more rewarding and personally satisfying activities to focus on.

Do you want to change your crazy skinny thoughts? I hope so!

By the way, I still have a few slots open for a free 30-minute strategy session. Maybe we talk about how you can stop chasing "skinny happy"... and just get "healthy happy" instead!!

The Body of Your Dreams is All in Your Head

Yes, the body of your dreams really IS all in your head.  No, I don’t mean that the body you want is just a fantasy that you’ll never ever see.  I’m saying that, before you can make any significant, lasting physical changes, the mental and emotional changes MUST come first. 

All I need to do is eat less, exercise more and my dream body will magically appear.

Yeah…no, that’s not how it works.  Physical transformations (especially ones that last) REQUIRE a shift in your mindset, which is basically your way of thinking.  To help put this in perspective here are a few examples of the kind of thinking that is standing in the way of you and your dream body:

“I’ll be happier/prettier/more interesting when I lose these 20 pounds.”

“If I don’t eat after 6PM, I’ll lose weight”

“I’ll never have the body of my dreams, so why even try?  Please pass the cupcakes!”

Not one of these things is even true, but I’m sure they sound familiar.  The truth is that most women believe that in order to have a “fabulous” body, there has to be a lot of pain, suffering and unhappiness involved.  And even when we go through the pain and suffering, the results don’t last anyway….what’s up with that??

 I know this frustration all too well because these are things I used to say to myself.  My family, friends, and clients struggle with this too…but now it’s time to end this nonsense.

It doesn’t have to be this way…AT ALL!

I’ve been working with clients on these issues for quite a while now, and I LOVE seeing the mindset shift…it’s like a little light bulb goes on.

It’s the ultimate “a-ha” moment.

You probably know by now that I use my blog, Facebook page, and my emails to you to help you in your journey by sharing my own experience.  I spent years on the diet train...losing weight then gaining it back.  Finally, in 2011 I made a decision to change my thinking and I haven't looked back: